Prudes: United They Stand, Divided They’re Sluts

photo33 So what really happens when you separate a wholesome do-gooder from her sagacious wolf pack?  Would you find a hidden closet full of lucite hooker heels and leather S&M whips?  What happens when you pluck a Ho from her garden of thirst admiration?   Could you find her in a corner reading the likes of Jane Austen or Friedrich Nietzsche?  Let’s play pretend and say, yes!

Self proclaimed “sex-geek”, Dr. Zhana Vrangalova explored this theory of sluts vs. prudes in her journal; Birds of a Feather?  Not When it Comes to Sexual Permissiveness.

“I analyzed that data a few weeks ago and more promiscuous women (and men) do not appear to be any more isolated or lonely, which is really interesting and requires further research into why and how they manage to maintain friendships”

Dr. Zhana discovered that depending upon the type of faction you run with could affect how you are viewed by the very peers and adversaries who shoulder your reputation.  Birds of a feather may flock together, but in the case of Ms. Goody two-shoes vs. the Superfreak, not so much.  In a nutshell, sluts don’t like sluts.  They prefer the company of Mrs. Grundy to the likes of their neighborhood Good time Jane.

    “If permissive individuals are rejected not only by those different from them, but also by those similar to them, this may place them at a particularly high risk for social isolation and its many negative consequences.”

Slut-shaming are we?!  Hussies may not earn the coveted Lady Muck crown, but they make felicitous frenemies!  And while some may frown upon the sloven, there are great benefits to having a trollop as a comrade.

Slut benefits include:

  • Free drinks!  The moment she slaps her super-sized chi-chis on the bar, you know damn well it’s going to be an awesome night!
  • Party invites!  Who doesn’t invite nymphos to parties?!
  • They are very well connected.  They know everyone and everyone knows them!
  • They are fun, risk-takers who don’t give a damn about their bad reputation.

They have a very competitive nature.  It’s they who should be the center of attention, not you. If you have something they want, (i.e. a job, your friends, connections, you’re mate) they will  stop at nothing to get it.

plugThen there is the prude.  (Cue snoring sound) Considered uptight and highly self-righteous.  And yes, there are benefits to having a priss as your bff.

Prude benefits include:

  • They offer great advice!  You can yap your face off about the world according you and they will listen and provide logical feedback, with prudence of course.
  • They’re easily shocked!  Which is fun, when you’re spouting off dirty lyrics to your life’s soundtrack.
  • They’re great party planners with creative vision.  Why, because they STFU and listen to your yapping (and the world according to you, remember?).
  • They’re stuffy.  That’s a benefit, right?  Okay, they make great muffins and shit!

SNOOZE ALERT!  (Cue snoring sound) They’re just boring!

“Our study, like others of this type, focused on individuals in non group situations. Social psychological theory suggests that people conform to social norms more in the presence of others (Turner, 1991). Thus, examining these issues in group settings is warranted.”

That’s easy!  No examination needed to research Sluts or Prudes in group settings.  If you’re hanging out with a delicate assortment of skanzillas, you lose hella cool points.  You’re immediately tagged a whore and thrown into the sleaze bucket dumpster.  However, if you’re hanging out with a wild posse of prudes, you still lose mega cool points, because who the hell wants to hang out with a bunch of prissy do-goody two-shoes?!  You become the lame duckling with no spice!

Funny how this paradigm applies to both species.

Which brings me to my point.  Whether you’re a slut like P!nk or a goody-goody choir girl priss, paint the label gold and wear it well.  Be proud of you.  Don’t allow labels to define your ever growing and evolving potential.  Everyone has a bit of prude and slut inside them.  We’re all freaks of nature for crying out loud!  This may be argumentative, but hos have been turned into housewives. defines Prude as:
A high and mighty female with stick up her pretentious ass.  She is smarter than you.  She dresses better than you and her butternut squash muffins are more scrumptious than any flake of flour you can fork together.  And she knows it.
Related terms include: Blow Hard, Bluenose, Bourgeois/ Boojee, Cockaninny, Criss-miss, Cuntipede, Deep Freezer, Duck, Goody-goody Choir Girl Priss, Holly Golightly, Lady Muck, Little Goody two-shoes, Miss Astorbilt, Ms. Goody-Goody, Miss Thing, Prig, Priss, Prude, Prune, Pusthode, Snob, Uppity girl defines Slut as:
A slattern with impure, immoral thoughts. Immoral being, Spread’em like butter, baby! And moral judging in the corner like, Keepeth thy legs closeth. Side note: I love the sound of slut when heavy empha-hiss is placed on the letter s.
Related terms include: Back Seat Betty, Barber’s Chair, Busy body, Cab Mat, Charity girl, Cheap trick, Cyprian, Dickhound, Easy Lover, Flirt, Fun mouth bucket, Garden tool, Good Time Jane, Harlot, Heaux, Ho Cake, Hose Queen, Hosebag, Hot pants, Hussy, Jump off, Leggo Beast, Letching Piece, Loose Booty, Nymphomaniac, Pass around Patty, Polecat, Project ho, Promiscuous Girl, Ratchet, Sack chaser, Sausage Jockey, Scrape, Sex on a Stick, Shagbag, Skankzilla, Skeeza, Slippy Tit, Spunk Bucket, Superfreak, Strumpet, Tip Drill, T.H.O.T., Toss Up, Town pump, Tramp, Trick, Trollop, Wench, Whore, Yo-yo Knickers