55 Shades of Bitch

The world is full of them.
They don’t change.
They won’t die.

They are the most hated, envied and greatly appreciated creatures on the planet.  Appreciated you say?  Have you ever been in a situation where a bitch got your money back , demanded a significant discount on a purchase or raised so much sand the maître d decided it’s best to comp a meal than interrupt diners with someone’s bitchy attitude?  Yes, that kind of appreciation.  In Old English, bitch is a female dog or carnivorous mammal.  Same thing.  A bitch is man’s best friend, a watchdog who protects and has your back or someone who’s evil enough to eat their own young.

In this self-centered, every-man-for-himself world, Bitch can easily be considered a compliment.  I remember when the term was grounds for a schoolyard ass whooping.
Today it’s so watered down, new neologisms have been birth to bring the pain that sticks and stones can’t break.

There are four types of bitches in this world.  Perhaps more, but for all intents and purposes, let’s agree on four.  It’s not like I’m going to win a Pulitzer for this piece.

Shesaurus.com defines Bitch as:

1.) A female with a strong opinion of herself. She can be perceived as mannish and abrasive, representing strength, independence and will. Take this woman very seriously for she is a female dog and she will bite your head off!
2.) Your homegirl. The girlfriend or best friend who’s been down with you since day one. Your partner in crime. “That’s my bitch!”
3.) This woman is nasty, manipulating, calculating, back-stabbing and conniving. She will eat her own young with no remorse.
4.) A snobbish prude with her nose tooted in the air as if her shit is aromatic. She knows she’s better than you without putting on heirs.

The Female dog
Related terms include:
Ass breaker, Ball and chain, Ball buster, Ball wrecker, Banatee, Battering Ram, Bitch, Blade, Boss lady,  Bossy, Bubble, Bull dozer, Fire alarm, Gangsta boo, Gangsta boogie, Grey mare, Headache, Heeler, Nag, Old bubble, Old lady, Petticoat government, Ride or die bitch.

The Watchdog
Related terms include:
Bestie, Bitch, Cow, Dinah, Gal pal, Girlfriend, Homegirl.

The Atomic dog
Related terms include:
Backbiter, Bach, Ball buster, Ball wrecker, Barge, Battering ram, Beotch, Biatch, Biotch, Bisom, Bitch, Blue hen’s chicken, Brach, Callet, Calumniator, Carper, Chaleria, Cotqueen, Crab hag, Crag, Cruella, Cuntasaurus rex, Cuntipede, Deep freezer, Devil’s daughter, Dragon, Dragon lady, Evil Lynn, Fly-up-the-creek, Gangsta bitch, Gangsta boo, Gangsta boogie, Harridan, Heeler, Heifa, Heifer, Hellcat, Hellion, Hoitch, Ice maiden, Ice Queen, Jade, Klippeh, Knife, Madcap, Makhashaifeh, Mare, Miss Fitch, Miss Laycock, Muckracker, Nag, Old chook, Quean, Rantipole, Ride or die bitch, Rantipoll, Ruck & Row, Sapphire, She Devil, Sheathen, Shrew, T.H.O.T., Termagant, Thunder cunt, Vituperator, Wench, Yenta, Yuchna.

The Scenthound
Related terms include:
Blow Hard, Bluenose, Bourgeois/ Boojee, Cockaninny, Criss-miss, Cuntipede, Deep Freezer, Duck, Goody two shoes, Holly Golightly, Lady Muck, Miss Thing, Prig, Prude, Prune, Pusthode, Snob, Uppity girl.

The world is full of them.
They don’t change.
They won’t die.
AND why should they?


thCAR4SC65Created & compiled by author Keshia Kola, Shesaurus.com offers alternative to unfamiliar and unflattering terms not found in your typical dictionary or thesaurus.  Tired of the word, “bitch”?  Try shesaurus.com.  We’re changing the way you use bitch, one cuntasaurus rex at a time. 

I’m Going to Piss Off 8,447,313 Women With This Website

Oh and the entire LGBT community, my apologies in advance!  According to my co-pilot, Stoner Dan, the above number is off by 2 billion. Yikes!  Let’s just be clear before any knives are thrown!  My intentions are never to hurt, discriminate or abuse ANYONE.  Words hurt.   I know, I was a teenager once!  I created this project from a women’s and writer’s perspective. I’d hear various forms of Bitch, Beeeotch, Bach, Beyotches thrown around and Perez Hilton rightfully scolding Bad lil’ Girls at their Reunion, “Can we use another word other than Bitch?!”

Yes, yes we can!  One of the awesome features about the Shesaurus, is that it does provide alternatives to unsavory, politically incorrect terms not found in your typical dictionary-thesaurus. There’s an abundance of terms that made me cringe, but I could not discriminate against any word no matter how repulsed I was to include it.  Hell, we work with people we don’t like everyday, unfortunately we can’t just cane or stone them because they don’t function properly in society.  Same with words and Cincinnati police officers.  Ok, we punished a few terms by stamping them with a big fat derogatory warning, abbreviated as Derog.  Now, there!

As a writer I’ve always wanted a resource guide that provides options for even the most unflattering, disgustingly vulgar synonyms not found in your typical dictionary or thesaurus. However, our language is expanding and growing. I hear the young and old sharing curious venacular on the streets, in music and my favorite blogs like DListed.  Shesaurus.com answers questions like, “What is a White Liver Lady or What the hell is a Ratchet?”  What sets this site apart from the rest is, we also answer questions like, “What is another word for a Bull dyke, Lipstick lesbian, Goldie Cocks, Cougar or a gay male cougar?  I’ve actually had people ask me that!  And since Sheryl Sandberg, Beyonce and Condoleezza Rice are banning “Bossy,” what other stunt-cunty words can we use in its place?

We all know I didn’t create these words. I merely composed, categorized, catalogued, slaved, created witty definitions, researched, re-wrote, re-research, double-checked facts and spent over 682,473, 529 hours and 8 years putting this concept together. And will continue for another 25,649,773 hours maintaining, updating and collecting these constellation of words until we reach our goals.  Did you know Noah Webster  was 70 when he published the American Dictionary of the English Language and passed away before the first “Webster’s Dictionary” was ever officially published?   He was called crazy and his original research was denounced as radical and too vulgar.

 “It is often forgotten that (dictionaries) are artificial repositories, put together well after the languages they define. The roots of language are irrational and of a magical nature.” – Jorge Luis Borges/ “El otro, el mismo”

With so many dictionaries, slang sites and thesauri out there, what makes the Shesaurus-Hesaurus reference project any different?  I’m glad you asked!  We offer French!  If you didn’t already know French, you’re in for an awe inspiring Rosetta Stone treat! This site is riddled with such atrocities!  We pride ourselves on being blatantly honest with sublte vulgarity.  It worked for Webster!

Our goals are simple.  We want to grow and catalog gender-based terms!  To help define your next protagonist.  We want that “Webster” longevity and reliability!  To build an awesome ride or die writing community and partner with Final Draft or other amazing software programs.  And who wouldn’t want to have their site celebrated on HuffPost’s,  7 Sites You Should Be Wasting Time On Right Now, by Katla Mclynn.

New phrases and terms are coined everyday and yesterday’s dictionaries aren’t keeping up!  I learned a great deal researching these terms and the feedback has been surprisingly supportive. Whether you like it or not, slanguage resource sites like this are needed. We dare to go where no other reference book has gone before, which is the primary role of a dictionary or thesaurus.

“Teaching users about words they don’t already know has been, historically, a primary aim of lexicography, and modern dictionaries do this well.  But occasionally, before committing to a word, you like to stop and commune with it, give it a look-over and see what the dictionary has to say about it.” – David Skinner/ The Role of a Dictionary

thCAR4SC65Keshia Kola is the authur of the Shesaurus & Hesaurus dictionary-thesaurus series.    A proud chubby chaser, novice angler, candy crusher and creator of blogs; The Puerile Score & Celebrity’s Guide to Prison.  Contact: keshiakola@shesaurus.com