55 Shades of Bitch

The world is full of them.
They don’t change.
They won’t die.

They are the most hated, envied and greatly appreciated creatures on the planet.  Appreciated you say?  Have you ever been in a situation where a bitch got your money back , demanded a significant discount on a purchase or raised so much sand the maître d decided it’s best to comp a meal than interrupt diners with someone’s bitchy attitude?  Yes, that kind of appreciation.  In Old English, bitch is a female dog or carnivorous mammal.  Same thing.  A bitch is man’s best friend, a watchdog who protects and has your back or someone who’s evil enough to eat their own young.

In this self-centered, every-man-for-himself world, Bitch can easily be considered a compliment.  I remember when the term was grounds for a schoolyard ass whooping.
Today it’s so watered down, new neologisms have been birth to bring the pain that sticks and stones can’t break.

There are four types of bitches in this world.  Perhaps more, but for all intents and purposes, let’s agree on four.  It’s not like I’m going to win a Pulitzer for this piece.

Shesaurus.com defines Bitch as:

1.) A female with a strong opinion of herself. She can be perceived as mannish and abrasive, representing strength, independence and will. Take this woman very seriously for she is a female dog and she will bite your head off!
2.) Your homegirl. The girlfriend or best friend who’s been down with you since day one. Your partner in crime. “That’s my bitch!”
3.) This woman is nasty, manipulating, calculating, back-stabbing and conniving. She will eat her own young with no remorse.
4.) A snobbish prude with her nose tooted in the air as if her shit is aromatic. She knows she’s better than you without putting on heirs.

The Female dog
Related terms include:
Ass breaker, Ball and chain, Ball buster, Ball wrecker, Banatee, Battering Ram, Bitch, Blade, Boss lady,  Bossy, Bubble, Bull dozer, Fire alarm, Gangsta boo, Gangsta boogie, Grey mare, Headache, Heeler, Nag, Old bubble, Old lady, Petticoat government, Ride or die bitch.

The Watchdog
Related terms include:
Bestie, Bitch, Cow, Dinah, Gal pal, Girlfriend, Homegirl.

The Atomic dog
Related terms include:
Backbiter, Bach, Ball buster, Ball wrecker, Barge, Battering ram, Beotch, Biatch, Biotch, Bisom, Bitch, Blue hen’s chicken, Brach, Callet, Calumniator, Carper, Chaleria, Cotqueen, Crab hag, Crag, Cruella, Cuntasaurus rex, Cuntipede, Deep freezer, Devil’s daughter, Dragon, Dragon lady, Evil Lynn, Fly-up-the-creek, Gangsta bitch, Gangsta boo, Gangsta boogie, Harridan, Heeler, Heifa, Heifer, Hellcat, Hellion, Hoitch, Ice maiden, Ice Queen, Jade, Klippeh, Knife, Madcap, Makhashaifeh, Mare, Miss Fitch, Miss Laycock, Muckracker, Nag, Old chook, Quean, Rantipole, Ride or die bitch, Rantipoll, Ruck & Row, Sapphire, She Devil, Sheathen, Shrew, T.H.O.T., Termagant, Thunder cunt, Vituperator, Wench, Yenta, Yuchna.

The Scenthound
Related terms include:
Blow Hard, Bluenose, Bourgeois/ Boojee, Cockaninny, Criss-miss, Cuntipede, Deep Freezer, Duck, Goody two shoes, Holly Golightly, Lady Muck, Miss Thing, Prig, Prude, Prune, Pusthode, Snob, Uppity girl.

The world is full of them.
They don’t change.
They won’t die.
AND why should they?

________________________________________________________________________________shes

thCAR4SC65Created & compiled by author Keshia Kola, Shesaurus.com offers alternative to unfamiliar and unflattering terms not found in your typical dictionary or thesaurus.  Tired of the word, “bitch”?  Try shesaurus.com.  We’re changing the way you use bitch, one cuntasaurus rex at a time.