How to Read a Bitch Like a Shesaurus

Bitch has braved many revolutions and evolutions.  Every few years it goes through wardrobe changes, cleans out its closet and reinvents itself.  Bitches are kinda funny like that.

Once upon a time, calling a female a bitch would win you a fresh, 14K golden corral ass whooping.  Today, it’s like being granted an honorary title of knighthood by the Queen.  Bitches are so badass that they have earned the coveted title to many songs including; That Bitch Ain’t a Part of me, Bitch We Got a Problem, Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Me, Wonder Why They Call You Bitch, Bitches Ain’t Shit, It’s Britney Bitch and Da Baddest Bitch.  

As my grand idol RuPaul would say,  The library is now open.  First things first!  If you’re going to throw shade, you must establish the type of Bitch you are dealing with.  Arielle Pardes schools you through this historical journey of with, “The Evolution of the Bitch. offers the following cunty breakdown of Bitch:

Bitch Types: To read this Bitch, Shesaurus suggests:
The Strong independent bitch – This bitch knows she is the baddest. Amazon, Arch dell, Canary bird, Deb, Doxy, Ewe, Gangsta Bitch, Gangsta boo/ boogie, G.I. Jane, Gunmoll, Hell-cat Maggie, Hot girl, Moll buzzer, Oiorpata, Ponytail, Ride or die bitch, She-ra, Shero, Shieldmaiden, Sigewif, Soldaderas, Super Woman, Termagant, Todder, Valkyrie, Virago, Wonder Woman
The Feral conniving bitch – She will eat her young, Backbiter, Bach, Ball buster, Battering ram, Blue hen’s chicken, Brach, Callet, Calumniator, Carper, Chaleria, Cotqueen, Crab hag, Cruella, Cuntasaurus rex, Cuntipede, Deep freezer, Devil’s daughter,Dragon lady, Evil Lynn, Harridan, Heeler, Heifa, Heifer, Hellcat, Hellion, Ice Queen, Jade, Klippeh, Madcap, Makhashaifeh, Miss Fitch, Miss Laycock, Muckracker, Nag, Old chook, Rantipole, Ruck & Row, Sapphire, She Devil, Sheathen, Shrew, T.H.O.T., Termagant, Thunder cunt, Vituperator, Wench, Yenta, Yuchna
The Snobby Prude bitch – She walks around with her nose pierce to the air.  “Putting on airs” Blow Hard, Bluenose, Bourgeois/ Boojee, Cockaninny, Criss-miss, Cuntipede, Dead Fish, Deep Freezer, Duck, Goody-goody Choir Girl Priss, Holly Golightly, Lady Muck, Little Goody two-shoes, Miss Astorbilt, Mrs. Grundy, Ms. Goody-Goody, Miss Thing, Prietzteh, Prig, Prima Dona, Princess, Priscilla, Priss, Prude, Prune, Pusthode, Snob, Uppity girl
The Crazy Bitch  – “You one crazy bitch”/ Rush Hour Black Widow, B.B.D., Femme Fatale, Jade, Kunoichi, Mata Hari, Oiorpata, Qarinah, Poison Ivy, Seductress, Neraides, Succubus, Road Runner, Siren.
The Basic Bitch Antidote, Basic bitch, Dead Fish, Desert Storm, Dowdy, Dusty Bread, Mary Banger, Mary Hick, Nun, Plain Jane, Straightedge
The Bitter bitch Bunny Boiler, Clinger, Dotty, Fatal Attraction, Headcase, Lorena Bobbitt, Mad Woman, Maenad, Psycho Hose Beast, Psycholina, Riot Girl, Stage Five Clinger, Sybil
The Cold heartless bitch Black widow, Cold Fish, Deep Freezer, Dolly Dagger, Easy lover, Heartbreaker, Ice Maiden, Jilt, Lil Miss Getaro, Lil Red Corvette, Man Eater, Play Girl, Playette, Roadrunner
The Nasty bitch – She’s trifling, dirty and uncouth. Biffer, Bitch Booby, Blouzabella, Blouzalinda, Cavewoman, Chicken head, Clart, Dirty Puzzle, Dishclout, Drab bag, Drag, Dowdy, Frump, Ghetto Girl, Gin-bottle, Groddess, Hatherin, Hoochie mama, Hood Rat, Houthern, Kitchen Malkin/ Malkin, Moggie/ Moggy, Mopsy, Moxie, Muck-suckle, Ragga muffin, Ratchet, Roach, Rubacrock/ Rubbacrock, Slattern, Slommack, THOT, Trailer Park Patti.
The Crying ass bitch Debbie Downer, Glum cunt, Moaning Martha, Moaning Murtle, Sourpuss, Wet blanket, Whiny Witney
The Old bitch Alteh Moid, Artichoke, Battering ram, Battle Ax, Battle cruiser, Batty old coo, Beldame, Blind dragon, Cailliach, Crone, Dillo Namo, Dowager, Elderly Jam, Gimmer, Golden Girl, Grand dame, Gun Powder, Hag, Harpy, Josher, Old betty, Old maid, Oxygen thief, Prune Juice, Rag n’ Bone Shop, Real Kate, Shrew, Virago
The Ugly Bitch Backlight Barbie, Bag of Smacked twats, Blind Cobblers Thumb, Blockamore, Booga-wolf, Booger, Bucket of Smashed Crabs, Butterface, Deuce, Double bagger, D.U.F.F., Eye patch candy, Frankenslut, German Aunt, Gremlin, Grizzly Chicken, Grunt, Hag, Hagalar, Hatched Face, Medusa, Mona, Mud Puppy, Ogress, Old Boot, Scab, Six packer, Skag, Troll, Zelda

The world is full of them.
They will never die.
Maybe 20 years from now, Bitch will revert back to its insulting, sexist ways. But for today’s Bitch… sticks and stones.

Note: The chart offers excerpts from “related terms.”  For a complete list of synonyms visit,, enter a term (e.g. bossy, prude, slut, spinster) in the search area to view the complete list.

thCAR4SC65Keshia Kola is the Lexicographer of this trainwreck and will plead ‘insanity’ to all allegations.  To add words to the above list please contact:  It better come with a coupon for vodka.

3 thoughts on “How to Read a Bitch Like a Shesaurus

  1. Still confused as to weather you can use the B-Word to describe a feamle thats a horrible person. I.E, “She mislead those old people and stole their money. What a B*tch.” Got labled a sexist for using it to describe someone that did something remakeably low-down. I was under the assumption that the word kind of evolved.

    Thanks for any reply.

  2. Bitch has evolved and somehow became something good. Weird. Just as “bad,” “bad ass” or “the bomb” became ‘good’ or cool adjectives. Somewhere in our history we have failed the classic bitch and given her a crown. And it’s not sexist, if it’s true.

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