55 Shades of Bitch

The world is full of them.
They don’t change.
They won’t die.

They are the most hated, envied and greatly appreciated creatures on the planet.  Appreciated you say?  Have you ever been in a situation where a bitch got your money back , demanded a significant discount on a purchase or raised so much sand the maître d decided it’s best to comp a meal than interrupt diners with someone’s bitchy attitude?  Yes, that kind of appreciation.  In Old English, bitch is a female dog or carnivorous mammal.  Same thing.  A bitch is man’s best friend, a watchdog who protects and has your back or someone who’s evil enough to eat their own young.

In this self-centered, every-man-for-himself world, Bitch can easily be considered a compliment.  I remember when the term was grounds for a schoolyard ass whooping.
Today it’s so watered down, new neologisms have been birth to bring the pain that sticks and stones can’t break.

There are four types of bitches in this world.  Perhaps more, but for all intents and purposes, let’s agree on four.  It’s not like I’m going to win a Pulitzer for this piece.

Shesaurus.com defines Bitch as:

1.) A female with a strong opinion of herself. She can be perceived as mannish and abrasive, representing strength, independence and will. Take this woman very seriously for she is a female dog and she will bite your head off!
2.) Your homegirl. The girlfriend or best friend who’s been down with you since day one. Your partner in crime. “That’s my bitch!”
3.) This woman is nasty, manipulating, calculating, back-stabbing and conniving. She will eat her own young with no remorse.
4.) A snobbish prude with her nose tooted in the air as if her shit is aromatic. She knows she’s better than you without putting on heirs.

The Female dog
Related terms include:
Ass breaker, Ball and chain, Ball buster, Ball wrecker, Banatee, Battering Ram, Bitch, Blade, Boss lady,  Bossy, Bubble, Bull dozer, Fire alarm, Gangsta boo, Gangsta boogie, Grey mare, Headache, Heeler, Nag, Old bubble, Old lady, Petticoat government, Ride or die bitch.

The Watchdog
Related terms include:
Bestie, Bitch, Cow, Dinah, Gal pal, Girlfriend, Homegirl.

The Atomic dog
Related terms include:
Backbiter, Bach, Ball buster, Ball wrecker, Barge, Battering ram, Beotch, Biatch, Biotch, Bisom, Bitch, Blue hen’s chicken, Brach, Callet, Calumniator, Carper, Chaleria, Cotqueen, Crab hag, Crag, Cruella, Cuntasaurus rex, Cuntipede, Deep freezer, Devil’s daughter, Dragon, Dragon lady, Evil Lynn, Fly-up-the-creek, Gangsta bitch, Gangsta boo, Gangsta boogie, Harridan, Heeler, Heifa, Heifer, Hellcat, Hellion, Hoitch, Ice maiden, Ice Queen, Jade, Klippeh, Knife, Madcap, Makhashaifeh, Mare, Miss Fitch, Miss Laycock, Muckracker, Nag, Old chook, Quean, Rantipole, Ride or die bitch, Rantipoll, Ruck & Row, Sapphire, She Devil, Sheathen, Shrew, T.H.O.T., Termagant, Thunder cunt, Vituperator, Wench, Yenta, Yuchna.

The Scenthound
Related terms include:
Blow Hard, Bluenose, Bourgeois/ Boojee, Cockaninny, Criss-miss, Cuntipede, Deep Freezer, Duck, Goody two shoes, Holly Golightly, Lady Muck, Miss Thing, Prig, Prude, Prune, Pusthode, Snob, Uppity girl.

The world is full of them.
They don’t change.
They won’t die.
AND why should they?


thCAR4SC65Created & compiled by author Keshia Kola, Shesaurus.com offers alternative to unfamiliar and unflattering terms not found in your typical dictionary or thesaurus.  Tired of the word, “bitch”?  Try shesaurus.com.  We’re changing the way you use bitch, one cuntasaurus rex at a time. 

Prudes: United They Stand, Divided They’re Sluts

photo33 So what really happens when you separate a wholesome do-gooder from her sagacious wolf pack?  Would you find a hidden closet full of lucite hooker heels and leather S&M whips?  What happens when you pluck a Ho from her garden of thirst admiration?   Could you find her in a corner reading the likes of Jane Austen or Friedrich Nietzsche?  Let’s play pretend and say, yes!

Self proclaimed “sex-geek”, Dr. Zhana Vrangalova explored this theory of sluts vs. prudes in her journal; Birds of a Feather?  Not When it Comes to Sexual Permissiveness.

“I analyzed that data a few weeks ago and more promiscuous women (and men) do not appear to be any more isolated or lonely, which is really interesting and requires further research into why and how they manage to maintain friendships”

Dr. Zhana discovered that depending upon the type of faction you run with could affect how you are viewed by the very peers and adversaries who shoulder your reputation.  Birds of a feather may flock together, but in the case of Ms. Goody two-shoes vs. the Superfreak, not so much.  In a nutshell, sluts don’t like sluts.  They prefer the company of Mrs. Grundy to the likes of their neighborhood Good time Jane.

    “If permissive individuals are rejected not only by those different from them, but also by those similar to them, this may place them at a particularly high risk for social isolation and its many negative consequences.”

Slut-shaming are we?!  Hussies may not earn the coveted Lady Muck crown, but they make felicitous frenemies!  And while some may frown upon the sloven, there are great benefits to having a trollop as a comrade.

Slut benefits include:

  • Free drinks!  The moment she slaps her super-sized chi-chis on the bar, you know damn well it’s going to be an awesome night!
  • Party invites!  Who doesn’t invite nymphos to parties?!
  • They are very well connected.  They know everyone and everyone knows them!
  • They are fun, risk-takers who don’t give a damn about their bad reputation.

They have a very competitive nature.  It’s they who should be the center of attention, not you. If you have something they want, (i.e. a job, your friends, connections, you’re mate) they will  stop at nothing to get it.

plugThen there is the prude.  (Cue snoring sound) Considered uptight and highly self-righteous.  And yes, there are benefits to having a priss as your bff.

Prude benefits include:

  • They offer great advice!  You can yap your face off about the world according you and they will listen and provide logical feedback, with prudence of course.
  • They’re easily shocked!  Which is fun, when you’re spouting off dirty lyrics to your life’s soundtrack.
  • They’re great party planners with creative vision.  Why, because they STFU and listen to your yapping (and the world according to you, remember?).
  • They’re stuffy.  That’s a benefit, right?  Okay, they make great muffins and shit!

SNOOZE ALERT!  (Cue snoring sound) They’re just boring!

“Our study, like others of this type, focused on individuals in non group situations. Social psychological theory suggests that people conform to social norms more in the presence of others (Turner, 1991). Thus, examining these issues in group settings is warranted.”

That’s easy!  No examination needed to research Sluts or Prudes in group settings.  If you’re hanging out with a delicate assortment of skanzillas, you lose hella cool points.  You’re immediately tagged a whore and thrown into the sleaze bucket dumpster.  However, if you’re hanging out with a wild posse of prudes, you still lose mega cool points, because who the hell wants to hang out with a bunch of prissy do-goody two-shoes?!  You become the lame duckling with no spice!

Funny how this paradigm applies to both species.

Which brings me to my point.  Whether you’re a slut like P!nk or a goody-goody choir girl priss, paint the label gold and wear it well.  Be proud of you.  Don’t allow labels to define your ever growing and evolving potential.  Everyone has a bit of prude and slut inside them.  We’re all freaks of nature for crying out loud!  This may be argumentative, but hos have been turned into housewives.

photo45Shesaurus.com defines Prude as:
A high and mighty female with stick up her pretentious ass.  She is smarter than you.  She dresses better than you and her butternut squash muffins are more scrumptious than any flake of flour you can fork together.  And she knows it.
Related terms include: Blow Hard, Bluenose, Bourgeois/ Boojee, Cockaninny, Criss-miss, Cuntipede, Deep Freezer, Duck, Goody-goody Choir Girl Priss, Holly Golightly, Lady Muck, Little Goody two-shoes, Miss Astorbilt, Ms. Goody-Goody, Miss Thing, Prig, Priss, Prude, Prune, Pusthode, Snob, Uppity girl

Shesaurus.com defines Slut as:
A slattern with impure, immoral thoughts. Immoral being, Spread’em like butter, baby! And moral judging in the corner like, Keepeth thy legs closeth. Side note: I love the sound of slut when heavy empha-hiss is placed on the letter s.
Related terms include: Back Seat Betty, Barber’s Chair, Busy body, Cab Mat, Charity girl, Cheap trick, Cyprian, Dickhound, Easy Lover, Flirt, Fun mouth bucket, Garden tool, Good Time Jane, Harlot, Heaux, Ho Cake, Hose Queen, Hosebag, Hot pants, Hussy, Jump off, Leggo Beast, Letching Piece, Loose Booty, Nymphomaniac, Pass around Patty, Polecat, Project ho, Promiscuous Girl, Ratchet, Sack chaser, Sausage Jockey, Scrape, Sex on a Stick, Shagbag, Skankzilla, Skeeza, Slippy Tit, Spunk Bucket, Superfreak, Strumpet, Tip Drill, T.H.O.T., Toss Up, Town pump, Tramp, Trick, Trollop, Wench, Whore, Yo-yo Knickers

Is Shesaurus.com the New Urban Thesaurus?

What if you walked into a classroom and all the redheads were made to sit, facing the classroom from the outside schoolyard.  They can’t participate.  They’re still considered students, but banned from school pictures because the school principal has something against gingerly affections.

That’s how the 4.5 million words we’ve cataloged feel.  They were stamped to “TOO VULGAR” and sent to a prison for unruly, offensive idioms!  It’s like telling a word, you are not good enough.  You’re not worthy to be written in the history books.  Shesaurus does not discriminate against any word no matter how absurd or derogatory.  Words are a part of history.  They tell stories.  Initially, Noah Webster’s Dictionary was poorly received, cited as being too vulgar.  Can you imagine the dictionary being too vulgar?!

Culturally conservative Federalists denounced the work as radical—too inclusive in its lexicon and even bordering on vulgar. Meanwhile Webster’s old foes the Republicans attacked the man, labeling him mad for such an undertaking.[43]  Scholars have long seen Webster’s 1844 dictionary to be an important resource for reading poet Emily Dickinson‘s life and work; she once commented that the “Lexicon” was her “only companion” for years.  Source: Wikipedia/ Noah Webster

Millennial’s idea of a thesaurus isn’t the same as your Great-gram-gram’s idea.  The only curse word I ever heard my mother say was “damn” and I promise the roof shook when she said it.  Not because she summoned some evil demon from its caged sarcophagus, but because my brother and I were rolling on the floor, laughing our asses off!

I remember hearing the word ‘tranny’ as a kid wondering what it meant.  Since no one was adult enough to explain it, I ran to the only source I could think of.  The dictionary.  It wasn’t there either. Curses, I say!   Isn’t the dictionary suppose to answer all my nefarious questions?!

Today we have online dictionaries like, Urban Dictionary to solve our neologistical street problems.  BUT, what if I want to use another word other than “Bitch” to describe my protagonist?  Bitch has been watered down to the point of becoming it’s own basic bitch.  As a writer, sometimes you may want to release your inner word nerd savage and read a Bitch like a Shesaurus!

Let’s look at the word Vixen and compare what other sites offer for synonyms.  Because Shesaurus focus mainly on alternatives, we’re able to provide a broader scope of related terms.
Shesaurus.com – Vixen
Shesaurus defines Vixen
Urban Dictionary – Vixen
Urban Dictionary alternatives for Vixen
Thesaurus.com – Vixen
thesaurus.com alternatives for Vixen

We love words!  Bad words, dirty words and nasssssty naughty words.  Why should sexy or slutty terms be given the Hester Prynne treatment for existing?  They are a part of history too!  Shakespeare is riddled with vulgarity and sexual innuendos and it’s required reading in high school.  Why should reference sites be any different?  What exactly are we learning by forcing the gingers out of the classroom?

Our world is growing and I truly believe our reference books should grow with it.  We owe history a lesson in honesty for a change.  And today, we owe society a true thesaurus that provides alternatives for even the most unflattering terms, no matter how disgusting they are.  You’re welcome!

kolaKeshia Kola is the lexicographer of this vulgar nonsense.  If you want to avoid some drunken word nerd showing up to your hardworking establishment to eat all of your hard-earned glazed donuts, please follow @keshiakola.


Are You a Lucy Stoner? – by Elizabeth Titus via Ms. Magazine

225px-Sm_lucy_stone_3d02055rOh, ’cause Lucystoners don’t need boners, Ain’t no man could ever own her…(From the Indigo Girls’ song “Lucystoners”)

I’d never heard of Lucy Stone until I took my daughter to see Clark University in Worcester, Mass. I researched the city’s history and realized that, later in life, I’d become a Lucy Stoner.

Stone (1818-1893) was a pioneer in the women’s rights movement. After graduating from Oberlin College in 1847, she helped organize a national women’s rights convention in Worcester. When she married Henry Blackwell, a fellow crusader for women’s suffrage, both agreed that taking his name would tell the world that a woman’s name and family history are unimportant. She became the first recorded American woman to keep her name after marriage, speaking out for women’s rights at a time when women were discouraged and even prevented from public speaking.

Married women who keep their names are still sometimes called Lucy Stoners, but their numbers have decreased. Penn State sociologists recently compared data from two surveys (1990 and 2006) at a Midwestern university and found that 2006 students were three times more likely than those in 1990 to say that women who keep their surnames are less committed to marriage. While there are no national statistics, other studies suggest that at least 90 percent of American women take their husbands’ last names.

The realization that I’m a Lucy Stoner brought relief; I now had a response when friends questioned why I went back to my maiden name, Elizabeth Spaulding Titus, after 30 years of marriage. “We could understand if you’d gotten divorced,” they’d say, “but you didn’t. We know you as Elizabeth Clement, Mrs. Gregory Clement.”

“But I’m not,” I’d argue. Gregory is gone. Melanoma claimed him in 2007, the year of our 30th wedding anniversary. I’d been known by his name; now I had to recreate myself for a future that did not include a husband.

And what is the proper way to address a widow? Being called Mrs. Clement seemed dishonest. Let’s face it, I had lost my married status and become a single woman again.

It’s not that I hadn’t long been a feminist. After getting a master’s degree in English and teaching in a private school in Philadelphia, I woke up to the fact that women could, and were, doing more than teaching school. Not that I didn’t love teaching; it’s just that I felt forced into it by my father, whose four sisters, all Wellesley College graduates, were teachers. This was “the profession girls could go back to”–translation: after having babies.

But I was restless, and I had yet to hit the $10,000 mark in annual salary. So I decided to get an MBA at Wharton, at a time when women were just 20 percent of the class. When I told my mother that I was going to business school, she said, “Oh, good idea, Katie Gibbs– lots of girls did that in my day.”(Katharine Gibbs was then a kind of secretarial school for post-debutantes.)

This is what I was up against in terms of where I came from, so it’s no surprise that it never occurred to me to keep my name when I got married in 1977. And Gregory was a successful architect; I considered myself less important and hid behind my married status. But after he died, there was nowhere to hide any more.

Lili-and-ElizabethWe adopted our daughter Lili from China in 1994. She is now faced with having a mother with a different last name from hers, and I fear it’s been tough. She goes to high school in Connecticut, land of Suburbans and McMansions and non-working moms, some of whom admire Sarah Palin. But as the women’s rights that Lucy Stone fought for are under increasing attack, I’ll tell my daughter about her. Perhaps she’ll keep her own name when she marries.

Then we’ll both be Lucy Stoners.

Photo at top of Lucy Stone and her daughter Alice Stone Blackwell, c. 1857-1858, from Wikimedia Commons. Photo at bottom of Elizabeth Titus and her daughter Lili Clement, courtesy of Elizabeth Titus.

Writer’s block:
Liz TitusElizabeth Titus has been a journalist for Gannett, an English teacher, an advertising executive (Doyle Dane Bernbach), a communications director and speechwriter (15 years at American Express) and a freelance writer and blogger. She has a BA in English (Skidmore), an MA in English (University of Pennsylvania), and an MBA (Wharton).

She lives in a 1930s colony formed by socialists in Connecticut (see “Weston’s Socialist Summer Camp” under Print Articles) as well as on a landmarked block of West 67th Street in New York City (“Duchamp’s Crash Pad”). She has published articles with the Weston Magazine Group, Westport News (Hearst), Long Story ShortMs. Magazine.comSkidmore Scope, MORE.com (Meredith), Ithaca Lit, The Feathered Flounder,  Mr. Beller’s Neighborhood, Narrative, The Humanist, Talking Writing, Women’s Voices Now, Full Grown People, Great Moments in Parenting, The Intima: Columbia University Medical School’s Journal of Narrative Medicine, and
Chicken Soup for the Soul.

She is currently serving as a mentor for the Afghan Women’s Writing Project. http://www.awwproject.org. She also volunteers with PennPAC http://www.pennpac.org, a skills-based, volunteer consulting group, made up of graduates of the various schools at the University of Pennsylvania, doing probono consulting for non-profit organizations in the metro NY area.


Support Undergrads in Women’s /Gender Studies!

thhhhWe are raising funds to support undergrads with a major in Women’s / Gender Studies.  We will offer four $1,000 scholarships yearly to reward the academic aspirations of undergrads who inspire social change in the LGBT, Women’s studies or gender studies community.

Applicants will be required to submit an essay, blog or article to be published on the Shesaurus.com website and published in the upcoming Shesaurus- Hesaurus dictionary.

Donations can be sent via: Gofundme/Shesaurus or click on the badge below.

You can also support undergrad by visiting our shop to buy cool Tees at Shesaurus.com

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We are raising funds to produce the first gender-based dictionary-thesaurus and support undergrads in the Gender studies program.

I’m Going to Piss Off 8,447,313 Women With This Website

Oh and the entire LGBT community, my apologies in advance!  According to my co-pilot, Stoner Dan, the above number is off by 2 billion. Yikes!  Let’s just be clear before any knives are thrown!  My intentions are never to hurt, discriminate or abuse ANYONE.  Words hurt.   I know, I was a teenager once!  I created this project from a women’s and writer’s perspective. I’d hear various forms of Bitch, Beeeotch, Bach, Beyotches thrown around and Perez Hilton rightfully scolding Bad lil’ Girls at their Reunion, “Can we use another word other than Bitch?!”

Yes, yes we can!  One of the awesome features about the Shesaurus, is that it does provide alternatives to unsavory, politically incorrect terms not found in your typical dictionary-thesaurus. There’s an abundance of terms that made me cringe, but I could not discriminate against any word no matter how repulsed I was to include it.  Hell, we work with people we don’t like everyday, unfortunately we can’t just cane or stone them because they don’t function properly in society.  Same with words and Cincinnati police officers.  Ok, we punished a few terms by stamping them with a big fat derogatory warning, abbreviated as Derog.  Now, there!

As a writer I’ve always wanted a resource guide that provides options for even the most unflattering, disgustingly vulgar synonyms not found in your typical dictionary or thesaurus. However, our language is expanding and growing. I hear the young and old sharing curious venacular on the streets, in music and my favorite blogs like DListed.  Shesaurus.com answers questions like, “What is a White Liver Lady or What the hell is a Ratchet?”  What sets this site apart from the rest is, we also answer questions like, “What is another word for a Bull dyke, Lipstick lesbian, Goldie Cocks, Cougar or a gay male cougar?  I’ve actually had people ask me that!  And since Sheryl Sandberg, Beyonce and Condoleezza Rice are banning “Bossy,” what other stunt-cunty words can we use in its place?

We all know I didn’t create these words. I merely composed, categorized, catalogued, slaved, created witty definitions, researched, re-wrote, re-research, double-checked facts and spent over 682,473, 529 hours and 8 years putting this concept together. And will continue for another 25,649,773 hours maintaining, updating and collecting these constellation of words until we reach our goals.  Did you know Noah Webster  was 70 when he published the American Dictionary of the English Language and passed away before the first “Webster’s Dictionary” was ever officially published?   He was called crazy and his original research was denounced as radical and too vulgar.

 “It is often forgotten that (dictionaries) are artificial repositories, put together well after the languages they define. The roots of language are irrational and of a magical nature.” – Jorge Luis Borges/ “El otro, el mismo”

With so many dictionaries, slang sites and thesauri out there, what makes the Shesaurus-Hesaurus reference project any different?  I’m glad you asked!  We offer French!  If you didn’t already know French, you’re in for an awe inspiring Rosetta Stone treat! This site is riddled with such atrocities!  We pride ourselves on being blatantly honest with sublte vulgarity.  It worked for Webster!

Our goals are simple.  We want to grow and catalog gender-based terms!  To help define your next protagonist.  We want that “Webster” longevity and reliability!  To build an awesome ride or die writing community and partner with Final Draft or other amazing software programs.  And who wouldn’t want to have their site celebrated on HuffPost’s,  7 Sites You Should Be Wasting Time On Right Now, by Katla Mclynn.

New phrases and terms are coined everyday and yesterday’s dictionaries aren’t keeping up!  I learned a great deal researching these terms and the feedback has been surprisingly supportive. Whether you like it or not, slanguage resource sites like this are needed. We dare to go where no other reference book has gone before, which is the primary role of a dictionary or thesaurus.

“Teaching users about words they don’t already know has been, historically, a primary aim of lexicography, and modern dictionaries do this well.  But occasionally, before committing to a word, you like to stop and commune with it, give it a look-over and see what the dictionary has to say about it.” – David Skinner/ The Role of a Dictionary

thCAR4SC65Keshia Kola is the authur of the Shesaurus & Hesaurus dictionary-thesaurus series.    A proud chubby chaser, novice angler, candy crusher and creator of blogs; The Puerile Score & Celebrity’s Guide to Prison.  Contact: keshiakola@shesaurus.com