#WasteHisTime2016 and the Emergence of Emotionally Unavailable Women – by Rachel Ndubuisi

A few days ago, Twitter went crazy with a new hashtag, “Waste His Time 2016“.  A few gems from this hashtag craze are:

Shesaurus isabele palxao tweet Shesaurus @gabioconner tweet

There are tons other and they can be found on Twitter by simply searching #WasteHisTime2016. The main point behind these tweets was to flip the script on your average player aka fuckboy and pay them the same treatment that they have given women.

It’s like satire, paralleling the instances in which men lead women on for extended amounts of time, getting to know her, and feigning interest while they may have only been in search of sex and/or attention.

On a surface level, this can either seem quite harsh or hilarious depending on your experiences with the opposite sex. While I read these, I found them hilarious because I was finally seeing women give men a taste of their own medicine, even if it was just a hashtag on Twitter.

There are many memes and jokes detailing the delicate gender dynamics between men and women such as:

Shesaurus blogger-image--2124899224

So, it’s interesting to see the tables are turning with women (albeit jokingly) becoming the emotionally unavailable counterpart.

Reading the Waste His Time 2016, reminded me of the latest Love and Hip Hop: New York episode. For those that don’t know, it’s a reality show on Vh1 based on the lives of about 10 New Yorkers in the music and entertainment business. One of the main stars, Cardi B meets with another of the stars, Mariahlynn and they have a discussion about their relationship with men.

Cardi B is in the GIF below.
Cardi B

They both go into their new sentiments on their relationships with men and how they’re now only dealing with men for what they have to offer rather than for a relationship. They’ve become emotionally unavailable and are using these men for their connections in the music and entertainment business, rather than relying on these men for emotional partners and relationships.

Emotional unavailability alongside, a fear/disdain for commitment have been traits often attributed to men, with women trying and wondering why they can’t get these men to be emotionally available and committed. Women have a long list of grievances when it comes to dating men, and therefore witnessing the emergence of emotionally unavailable women puts a slight smirk on my face.

I don’t see this solving anything, nor do I see it repairing the obviously damaged gender dynamics between men and women. It will, however, give insight into how we feel and in giving them a slight taste of their medicine, maybe they will understand the annoyance, and the pain in having someone that you may have been interested in, not only be uninterested in you but also waste your time simply because they can.

There has been some outrage about these tweets because  these type of women anger men, simply because they are not accustomed to women that do not need them to feel complete. Women are often trained from a very young age to be a “good wife” and to be a good companion to a man. We aren’t often taught to be independent and even when you are encouraged to be independent and be yourself, society is always there to remind you that your worth, first and foremost lies in your ability to get a male partner.

Consider the modern horror story of the lonely career woman. She spent too much time focusing on her career; making her too independent, too assertive and unable to find a man. Therefore, she is to either settle for any Tom, Dick & Harry that comes her way or deal with a life of loneliness and stigmatization.

Despite her accomplishments, she will be looked down up  simply because she is alone. They will say it serves her right because that is the price that you pay when you choose to focus on something else other than finding a man. The life of a spinster holds no value in this society.

For reasons such as these, men have grown to see themselves as  requirements to complete women and because of this mindset, they feel as though they are essential and irreplaceable parts of a woman’s life; which gives them free reign to treat women in anyway they deem fit.

In contrast, women are viewed as replaceable to be traded in or deprived of love and companionship at the slightest grievance. Men aren’t taught that they need women to complete them. They are taught to own women, as acquisitions for sex and comfort. The bachelor life is coveted, and upon marriage, it is seen as losing a prized possession.

Therefore the idea of men becoming replaceable, as women often are for them, infuriates them. The idea of sharing the same societal standards as women can prove infuriating for some and rightfully so.

They are finally being confronted by women that simply don’t need them.

Women that aren’t swayed by kind words.

Women that don’t need their attention.

Women that do not need to be completed.

That makes a lot of men very uncomfortable.

If their masculinity is rooted in their need to complete a woman, they should be very uncomfortable and afraid.

While this is simply a twitter hashtag gone viral, it would be unwise to chalk this up to mindless internet banter. The sentiments behind these tweets are real, and should be taken seriously.

Writer’s Block:  Rachel Ndubuisi

Rachel Ndubuisi

   Rachel Ndubuisi, Fashionista – The House of Ndubuisi

When I began focusing on fashion, and how I chose to express myself through my style, I have found love and confidence for my body, this vessels that miraculously carries and nurtures me. I’ve found a deep appreciation for myself outside of the sexualization and objectification that society places on it.

With fashion, I found an inner love for myself. I took pride in myself and how I dressed myself and it brought me an intense sense of happiness and accomplishment to truly like what I see when I look in the mirror.

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