RuPaul’s Drag Race – Season 8

Big Congratulations to Bob the Drag Queen, America’s next drag superstar!

Purse First, clack!

Bob the Drag Queen was born on June 22, 1986. His hometown is NYC, New York. Before becoming a drag queen, Bob worked in children’s theater for years and “always found children to be a source of joy for [him].”  Bob the Drag Queen is also an LGBT activist. He revealed on RuPaul’s Drag Race of a moment when he was protesting for LGBT rights and was arrested in drag. 

 

15 Words That Sparked The Worlds Greatest Ass Whoopings

Welcome to the world greatest insults!  Shesaurus.com has been commissioned to offer synonyms to use in an effort to avoid getting a neighborhood beat down. Let us know if we need to update this list!

1. Bitch


Bitch is a classic fire starter and has evolved to mean so much more!
Shesaurus.com synonyms: Ball buster, Crab hag, Cruella, Cuntasaurus Rex, Cuntipede, Evil Lynn, Harpy, Heifer, Hyper mega bitch, Muckracker, Nag, She devil, Sheathen, Shrew, THOT, Thunder cunt, Virago, Wench, Xanthippe

2. Cunt

 

Cunt is the new “Bitch”. It’s slightly more savage and cuts like a Japanese Katana. If you’re truly ready for a brawl, throw this term with some base in your voice! See you next Tuesday!

3. The F- word

15 Words That Sparked The Worlds Greatest Ass Whoopings

Not a user friendly type of term. Some use it to take the place of “Asshole”, but the LGBT community says, “Not on our watch!”
Shesaurus.com suggests the following synonyms: Beau Brummel, Cake Boy, Candy Ass, Canker blossom, Cicisbeo, Cockquean, Coxcomb, Daffy-down-dilly, Dandy, Ding-a-ling, Epicene, Fairy, Fruitcake, FOP, Macaroni, Namby pamby, Nancy, Ninny, Pansy, Popinjay, Sir Posthumous Hobby or Sissy.

4. N-Word

Still controversial. Still an “Oh hell NO” in the Black community.
Shesaurus.com suggests the following alternatives: Ace boon coon, Bro, Broham, Broheim, Broski, Brother, Brother from another mother, Bruh, Buddy, Champ, Chum, Compadre, Homeboy, Holmes, Homey, Homes, Homie, Pal, Partner, Partner in crime, Pimp, Player, Roll Dog, Son of a Gun, Soul Brother, Wardy, Watchdog, Whodi, Wingman or Your highness if you want to show brotherly affection.

5. Traitor/ Benedict Arnold

 

No one likes a traitor!
Shesaurus.com synonyms: Abaddon, Canary, Donnie Brascoe, Fink, Rat, Rat fink, Snitch, Squealer, Stool Pigeon

6. Knave

Back in the Medieval times, knave or scoundrel was today’s “Son of a bitch”. They were not the words of a proper gentlemen would spark duels in honor of the medieval code of chivalry.

Shesaurus.com synonyms: Baddy, Beast, Blaggard, Brute, Caitiff, Despot, Devil, Fiend, Miscreant, Monster, Nazi, Rapscallion, Rascal, Rogue, Savage, Scalawag, Scallywag, Scamp, Scapegrace, Scoundrel, Varlet, Villain

7. Cocksucker

This nefarious idiom brought out the best in anyone…actually, the growling beast in anyone.
Shesaurus.com offers the following alternatives: Arrogant bastard, Asshole, Bastard, Bitch, Blaggard, Bozo, Canker Blossom, Cheeseball, Clown, Creep, Dickweed, Dipshit, Dirtbag, Douche, Gutless wonder, Jackass, Jerk, Knob, Mishappen dick, Loser, Mitch, Piece of shit, Prick, Putz, Schmuck, Scumbag, Slimeball, SOB, Tool, Tosser, Wanker, Weasel, Worm

8. Coward/ Punk Bitch

No one likes a coward. And being a punk bitch got your ass beat in ANY hood.
Shesaurus.com synonyms: Admiral of the white, Buster, Casper milquetoast, Chicken, Chump, Clown, Cream puff, Cuckold, Daisy, Girlie man, Gutless Wonder, Ho Cake, Jelly Kneed, Lerrycometwang, Lily Livered, Milksop, Mitch, Moma’s boy, Mouse, Namby Pamby, Pansy, Pantywaist, Poot butt, Punk, Punk Bitch, Pussy, Rabbit Sucker, Sap, Simp, Sucker, Weak sister, Weenie, Wimp or Wuss

9. Slut

15 Words That Sparked The Worlds Greatest Ass Whoopings

Your whorish ways would definitely entitle you to slap in the face.

Shesaurus suggests: Apron around the heels, Back seat Betty, Busy body, Cab mat, Cheap trick, Dickhound, Easy ride, Flirt, Fun mouth bucket, Garden tool, Good time Jane, Heaux, Hosebag, Hussy, Jump off, Loose booty, Lot lizard, Pass around Patty, Ratchet, Sack chaser, Sausage jockey, Skankzilla, Skeeza, Sloot, Strumpet, Super freak, THOT, Toss up, Town pump, Trick, Trollop, Wench or Yo-yo knickers.

10. Son of a Bitch

Well if being a bitch is bad, being the son of one offers a first class ticket to hell.
Shesaurus suggests: Asshole, Blaggard, Bozo, Canker blossom, Cheeseball, Crookback, Douchebag, Four flusher, Jackass, Jerk off, Knob, Mitch, Scum, Shmekeleh, Slime, Snake in the grass, Spooney, Toad, Twat, Twerp, Two-time loser, Wanksta,

11. Snitch/ Dirty Rat

15 Words That Sparked The Worlds Greatest Ass Whoopings

Snitches get stitches! Tattle-tails ye be warned!
Shesaurus suggests: Abaddon, Benedict Arnold, Canary, Donnie Brascoe, Fink, Rat, Rat fink, Squealer, Stool Pigeon

12. Liar, Liar

Long, long ago in a far off galaxy, I called my granddad a liar and I swear the roof almost caved in. His eyes turned yellow, then blood red. I found the magic words that unleashed the devil on Vine Street.

14. Cheap

15 Words That Sparked The Worlds Greatest Ass Whoopings

You become the buster of the family and lose all respect of authority.
Shesaurus suggests: Brumby bull, Curmudgeon, Finale hopper, Fussbudget, Miser, Scrooge, Tight wad

15. Youngin’

No one wants to be reminded of their age. I’ve seen 40 year olds throw toddler temper tantrums. Besides anything you can do, we can do better!
Shesaurus offers: Baby Girl, Bobby soxer, Chickadee, Half pint, Jailbait, Juvenile, Kinchin cove, Lad, Lass, Newbie, Pipsqueak, Poppet, PYT, Rapscallion, Rascal, Runt, Slugger, Sport, Tadpole, Teeny bopper, Tike, Whippersnapper, Yeshiva Bucher or Youngblood.

Bonus:
17firstdraft-mike-tmagArticle

And apparently thanks to dirty south rap artist, Killer Mike,  Uterus is now considered fighting words.  I don’t think we want to go there just yet, but thanks for listening!

 

Is Shesaurus.com the New Urban Dictionary?

What if you walked into a classroom and all the redheads were made to sit, facing the classroom from the outside schoolyard.  They can’t participate.  They’re still considered students, but banned from school pictures because the school principal has something against gingerly affections.

That’s how the 4.5 million words we’ve cataloged feel.  They were stamped to “TOO VULGAR” and sent to a prison for unruly, offensive idioms!  It’s like telling a word, you are not good enough.  You’re not worthy to be written in the history books.  Shesaurus does not discriminate against any word no matter how absurd or derogatory.  Words are a part of history.  They tell stories.  Initially, Noah Webster’s Dictionary was poorly received, cited as being too vulgar.  Can you imagine the dictionary being too vulgar?!

Culturally conservative Federalists denounced the work as radical—too inclusive in its lexicon and even bordering on vulgar. Meanwhile Webster’s old foes the Republicans attacked the man, labeling him mad for such an undertaking.[43]  Scholars have long seen Webster’s 1844 dictionary to be an important resource for reading poet Emily Dickinson‘s life and work; she once commented that the “Lexicon” was her “only companion” for years.  Source: Wikipedia/ Noah Webster

Millennial’s idea of a thesaurus isn’t the same as your Great-gram-gram’s idea.  The only curse word I ever heard my mother say was “damn” and I promise the roof shook when she said it.  Not because she summoned some evil demon from its caged sarcophagus, but because my brother and I were rolling on the floor, laughing our asses off!

I remember hearing the word ‘tranny’ as a kid wondering what it meant.  Since no one was adult enough to explain it, I ran to the only source I could think of.  The dictionary.  It wasn’t there either. Curses, I say!   Isn’t the dictionary suppose to answer all my nefarious questions?!

Today we have online dictionaries like, Urban Dictionary to solve our neologistical street problems.  BUT, what if I want to use another word other than “Bitch” to describe my protagonist?  Bitch has been watered down to the point of becoming it’s own basic bitch.  As a writer, sometimes you may want to release your inner word nerd savage and read a Bitch like a Shesaurus!

Let’s look at the word Vixen and compare what other sites offer for synonyms.  Because Shesaurus focus mainly on alternatives, we’re able to provide a broader scope of related terms.
Shesaurus.com – Vixen
Shesaurus defines Vixen
Urban Dictionary – Vixen
Urban Dictionary alternatives for Vixen
Thesaurus.com – Vixen
thesaurus.com alternatives for Vixen

We love words!  Bad words, dirty words and nasssssty naughty words.  Why should sexy or slutty terms be given the Hester Prynne treatment for existing?  They are a part of history too!  Shakespeare is riddled with vulgarity and sexual innuendos and it’s required reading in high school.  Why should reference sites be any different?  What exactly are we learning by forcing the gingers out of the classroom?

Our world is growing and I truly believe our reference books should grow with it.  We owe history a lesson in honesty for a change.  And today, we owe society a true thesaurus that provides alternatives for even the most unflattering terms, no matter how disgusting they are.  You’re welcome!

kolaKeshia Kola is the lexicographer of this vulgar nonsense.  If you want to avoid some drunken word nerd showing up to your hardworking establishment to eat all of your hard-earned glazed donuts, please follow @keshiakola.

 

#WasteHisTime2016 and the Emergence of Emotionally Unavailable Women – by Rachel Ndubuisi

A few days ago, Twitter went crazy with a new hashtag, “Waste His Time 2016“.  A few gems from this hashtag craze are:

Shesaurus isabele palxao tweet Shesaurus @gabioconner tweet

There are tons other and they can be found on Twitter by simply searching #WasteHisTime2016. The main point behind these tweets was to flip the script on your average player aka fuckboy and pay them the same treatment that they have given women.

It’s like satire, paralleling the instances in which men lead women on for extended amounts of time, getting to know her, and feigning interest while they may have only been in search of sex and/or attention.

On a surface level, this can either seem quite harsh or hilarious depending on your experiences with the opposite sex. While I read these, I found them hilarious because I was finally seeing women give men a taste of their own medicine, even if it was just a hashtag on Twitter.

There are many memes and jokes detailing the delicate gender dynamics between men and women such as:

Shesaurus blogger-image--2124899224

So, it’s interesting to see the tables are turning with women (albeit jokingly) becoming the emotionally unavailable counterpart.

Reading the Waste His Time 2016, reminded me of the latest Love and Hip Hop: New York episode. For those that don’t know, it’s a reality show on Vh1 based on the lives of about 10 New Yorkers in the music and entertainment business. One of the main stars, Cardi B meets with another of the stars, Mariahlynn and they have a discussion about their relationship with men.

Cardi B is in the GIF below.
Cardi B

They both go into their new sentiments on their relationships with men and how they’re now only dealing with men for what they have to offer rather than for a relationship. They’ve become emotionally unavailable and are using these men for their connections in the music and entertainment business, rather than relying on these men for emotional partners and relationships.

Emotional unavailability alongside, a fear/disdain for commitment have been traits often attributed to men, with women trying and wondering why they can’t get these men to be emotionally available and committed. Women have a long list of grievances when it comes to dating men, and therefore witnessing the emergence of emotionally unavailable women puts a slight smirk on my face.

I don’t see this solving anything, nor do I see it repairing the obviously damaged gender dynamics between men and women. It will, however, give insight into how we feel and in giving them a slight taste of their medicine, maybe they will understand the annoyance, and the pain in having someone that you may have been interested in, not only be uninterested in you but also waste your time simply because they can.

There has been some outrage about these tweets because  these type of women anger men, simply because they are not accustomed to women that do not need them to feel complete. Women are often trained from a very young age to be a “good wife” and to be a good companion to a man. We aren’t often taught to be independent and even when you are encouraged to be independent and be yourself, society is always there to remind you that your worth, first and foremost lies in your ability to get a male partner.

Consider the modern horror story of the lonely career woman. She spent too much time focusing on her career; making her too independent, too assertive and unable to find a man. Therefore, she is to either settle for any Tom, Dick & Harry that comes her way or deal with a life of loneliness and stigmatization.

Despite her accomplishments, she will be looked down up  simply because she is alone. They will say it serves her right because that is the price that you pay when you choose to focus on something else other than finding a man. The life of a spinster holds no value in this society.

For reasons such as these, men have grown to see themselves as  requirements to complete women and because of this mindset, they feel as though they are essential and irreplaceable parts of a woman’s life; which gives them free reign to treat women in anyway they deem fit.

In contrast, women are viewed as replaceable to be traded in or deprived of love and companionship at the slightest grievance. Men aren’t taught that they need women to complete them. They are taught to own women, as acquisitions for sex and comfort. The bachelor life is coveted, and upon marriage, it is seen as losing a prized possession.

Therefore the idea of men becoming replaceable, as women often are for them, infuriates them. The idea of sharing the same societal standards as women can prove infuriating for some and rightfully so.

They are finally being confronted by women that simply don’t need them.

Women that aren’t swayed by kind words.

Women that don’t need their attention.

Women that do not need to be completed.

That makes a lot of men very uncomfortable.

If their masculinity is rooted in their need to complete a woman, they should be very uncomfortable and afraid.

While this is simply a twitter hashtag gone viral, it would be unwise to chalk this up to mindless internet banter. The sentiments behind these tweets are real, and should be taken seriously.

Writer’s Block:  Rachel Ndubuisi

Rachel Ndubuisi

   Rachel Ndubuisi, Fashionista – The House of Ndubuisi

When I began focusing on fashion, and how I chose to express myself through my style, I have found love and confidence for my body, this vessels that miraculously carries and nurtures me. I’ve found a deep appreciation for myself outside of the sexualization and objectification that society places on it.

With fashion, I found an inner love for myself. I took pride in myself and how I dressed myself and it brought me an intense sense of happiness and accomplishment to truly like what I see when I look in the mirror.

Follow Rachel on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest!

Are You a Lucy Stoner? – by Elizabeth Titus via Ms. Magazine

225px-Sm_lucy_stone_3d02055rOh, ’cause Lucystoners don’t need boners, Ain’t no man could ever own her…(From the Indigo Girls’ song “Lucystoners”)

I’d never heard of Lucy Stone until I took my daughter to see Clark University in Worcester, Mass. I researched the city’s history and realized that, later in life, I’d become a Lucy Stoner.

Stone (1818-1893) was a pioneer in the women’s rights movement. After graduating from Oberlin College in 1847, she helped organize a national women’s rights convention in Worcester. When she married Henry Blackwell, a fellow crusader for women’s suffrage, both agreed that taking his name would tell the world that a woman’s name and family history are unimportant. She became the first recorded American woman to keep her name after marriage, speaking out for women’s rights at a time when women were discouraged and even prevented from public speaking.

Married women who keep their names are still sometimes called Lucy Stoners, but their numbers have decreased. Penn State sociologists recently compared data from two surveys (1990 and 2006) at a Midwestern university and found that 2006 students were three times more likely than those in 1990 to say that women who keep their surnames are less committed to marriage. While there are no national statistics, other studies suggest that at least 90 percent of American women take their husbands’ last names.

The realization that I’m a Lucy Stoner brought relief; I now had a response when friends questioned why I went back to my maiden name, Elizabeth Spaulding Titus, after 30 years of marriage. “We could understand if you’d gotten divorced,” they’d say, “but you didn’t. We know you as Elizabeth Clement, Mrs. Gregory Clement.”

“But I’m not,” I’d argue. Gregory is gone. Melanoma claimed him in 2007, the year of our 30th wedding anniversary. I’d been known by his name; now I had to recreate myself for a future that did not include a husband.

And what is the proper way to address a widow? Being called Mrs. Clement seemed dishonest. Let’s face it, I had lost my married status and become a single woman again.

It’s not that I hadn’t long been a feminist. After getting a master’s degree in English and teaching in a private school in Philadelphia, I woke up to the fact that women could, and were, doing more than teaching school. Not that I didn’t love teaching; it’s just that I felt forced into it by my father, whose four sisters, all Wellesley College graduates, were teachers. This was “the profession girls could go back to”–translation: after having babies.

But I was restless, and I had yet to hit the $10,000 mark in annual salary. So I decided to get an MBA at Wharton, at a time when women were just 20 percent of the class. When I told my mother that I was going to business school, she said, “Oh, good idea, Katie Gibbs– lots of girls did that in my day.”(Katharine Gibbs was then a kind of secretarial school for post-debutantes.)

This is what I was up against in terms of where I came from, so it’s no surprise that it never occurred to me to keep my name when I got married in 1977. And Gregory was a successful architect; I considered myself less important and hid behind my married status. But after he died, there was nowhere to hide any more.

Lili-and-ElizabethWe adopted our daughter Lili from China in 1994. She is now faced with having a mother with a different last name from hers, and I fear it’s been tough. She goes to high school in Connecticut, land of Suburbans and McMansions and non-working moms, some of whom admire Sarah Palin. But as the women’s rights that Lucy Stone fought for are under increasing attack, I’ll tell my daughter about her. Perhaps she’ll keep her own name when she marries.

Then we’ll both be Lucy Stoners.

Photo at top of Lucy Stone and her daughter Alice Stone Blackwell, c. 1857-1858, from Wikimedia Commons. Photo at bottom of Elizabeth Titus and her daughter Lili Clement, courtesy of Elizabeth Titus.

Writer’s block:
Liz TitusElizabeth Titus has been a journalist for Gannett, an English teacher, an advertising executive (Doyle Dane Bernbach), a communications director and speechwriter (15 years at American Express) and a freelance writer and blogger. She has a BA in English (Skidmore), an MA in English (University of Pennsylvania), and an MBA (Wharton).

She lives in a 1930s colony formed by socialists in Connecticut (see “Weston’s Socialist Summer Camp” under Print Articles) as well as on a landmarked block of West 67th Street in New York City (“Duchamp’s Crash Pad”). She has published articles with the Weston Magazine Group, Westport News (Hearst), Long Story ShortMs. Magazine.comSkidmore Scope, MORE.com (Meredith), Ithaca Lit, The Feathered Flounder,  Mr. Beller’s Neighborhood, Narrative, The Humanist, Talking Writing, Women’s Voices Now, Full Grown People, Great Moments in Parenting, The Intima: Columbia University Medical School’s Journal of Narrative Medicine, and
Chicken Soup for the Soul.

She is currently serving as a mentor for the Afghan Women’s Writing Project. http://www.awwproject.org. She also volunteers with PennPAC http://www.pennpac.org, a skills-based, volunteer consulting group, made up of graduates of the various schools at the University of Pennsylvania, doing probono consulting for non-profit organizations in the metro NY area.

 

The Misadventures of a Nookie Bookie – via Imgur

View post on imgur.com

This crazy train ride reminds me of the 1999 movie Go, where you’re on a non-stop adventure from title sequence to ending credits.  I found myself wide-eyed and clutching pearls that ain’t even there.  Oh, to be a fly on that wall!  And what to make of a whining emo boyfriend and dude who doesn’t know how to make a $1 out of $0.75?!  The dudes seemed useless.  Stiletto feminist to the rescue!

Nookie bookie

Shesaurus.com define Nookie bookie as:
A madam with a book full of naughty tricks. Hankering for some nookie? Call a bookie!

Related Words:
Covent Garden Abbess, Crack-detail-woman, Dress Lodger, Fen, Flesh Broker, Gangsteress, Governess, Hollywood Madam, House Mother, Lady abbess, Landlady, Lena, Madam, Mama-san, Mother Damnable, Mother hollyhock, Mother Knab, Mother Midnight, Mother of the Maids, Mrs. Lukey Props, Mrs. Princum Prancum, Mrs. Warren, Nookie Bookie, Pimpette, Pimptress, Presbyteress, Procuress, Proxenetist, Skirt woman, Tenderloin madam, Victualler, Whoremistress

Zola (Aziah King) quickly takes the wheel of this sinking ship and went into survival mode.  I think I read “poor Jarrett” like 15 times.  I probably read this story five times and lowkey hope she gets a movie and book deal.

via GIPHY

Why I’m Absolutely an Angry Black Woman – by Dominique Matti

Dominique Matti

Because when I was five, my kindergarten classmate told me I couldn’t be the princess in the game we were playing because black girls couldn’t be princesses. Because I was in third grade the first time a teacher seemed shocked at how “well-spoken” I was. Because in fourth grade I was told my crush didn’t like black girls. Because in sixth grade a different crush told me I was pretty — for a black girl. Because in 7th grade my predominantly black suburban neighborhood was nicknamed “Spring Ghettos” instead of calling it its name (Spring Meadows). Because I was in 8th grade the first time I was called an Oreo and told that I “wasn’t really black” like it was a compliment.

Because in 9th grade when I switched schools a boy told me he knew I had to be mixed with something to be so pretty. Because in 10th grade my group of friends and I were called into an office and asked if we were a gang, or if we had father figures. Because in 11th grade my AP English teacher told me that I didn’t write like a college-bound student (though I later scored perfectly on the exam). Because when I volunteered in Costa Rica that summer, I was whistled at and called Negrita. Because when I asked my host father if that was like being called nigger, he said, no, it was a compliment because black women are perceived to be very good in bed. Because I was a kid. Because I watched from the bleachers while the school resource officer didn’t let my brother into a football game after mistaking him for another black boy who was banned. Because the school resource officer maced him for insisting he was wrong. Because I was suspended for telling the school resource officer he didn’t deserve respect. Because my senior year boyfriend said nigger.

Because I was one of two black girls in the freshman class at my college. Because at meetings to talk about how to attract more black students, someone suggested that the school attracted a certain demographic (sustainable living, farming, general hippiness) and that maybe black people “just weren’t interested in things like that.” Because my college boyfriend called me a “fiery negress” as a joke when he ordered for me at a restaurant. Because the boyfriend after that cut me off for saying he was privileged. Because I can’t return to my hometown without getting pulled over.

Because when I got married people assumed I was pregnant. Because people who know I’m married call my husband my “baby daddy.” Because my pregnancy with my son was plagued with videos of black lives being taken in cold blood. Because their murderers still walk the streets. Because the nation sent me a message that my son’s life didn’t matter. Because when Tamir Rice was murdered I curled up on the bed and sobbed, cupping my belly. Because my son heard me sobbing from the inside. Because they don’t care about us. Because when I was 7 months pregnant my neighbor asked me to help him move a dresser up a flight of stairs. Because I am not seen as a woman. Because I am not allowed to be fragile. Because the nurse that checked me in at the hospital to deliver wouldn’t look my husband in the eye. Because the vast majority of people won’t look my husband in the eye. Because when the doctors put my son in my arms and I saw that he was as dark as his father, I knew life would be even harder for him. Because he will be regarded the same way I was. Because he will be forced to grow up before he is grown. Because strangers at the store think it’s okay to reach into my son’s stroller and touch him without a word to me. Because we aren’t entitled to boundaries. Because they think we are here for their enjoyment. Because people don’t think we are people.

Because my nephew told me he couldn’t be Spider Man like he wants to because Spider Man is white. Because when he was four he said that he wants to be white so that he can go on a boat like the people on TV. Because I couldn’t save him from that. Because I can’t protect my son. Because I can’t protect myself. Because my stomach sinks whenever I see a police car. Because when my husband leaves the house at night I am afraid he’ll be killed for looking like somebody. Because I worry that if I went missing like the 64,000 other black women in this nation, the authorities wouldn’t try hard to find me. Because I am disposable. Because I am hated. Because we keep dying.Because they justify our deaths. Because no one is held accountable. Because I am gas lighted. Because I have been told that by speaking about being oppressed I am victimizing myself. Because our murders are filmed and still pardoned. Because I don’t know what it means to let loose. Because doing the things that my white peers do with ease could cost me my life — trespassing in abandoned buildings, smoking joints, wearing a hoodie, looking an officer in the eye, playing music loudly, existing. Because I am afraid to relax. Because I am traumatized.

Because there isn’t a place in the world White Supremacy hasn’t touched.Because I am trapped here. Because the playing field isn’t leveled. Because I love my skin. Because I love being a woman. Because not hating myself is considered radical. Because I’ve been called racist for defending myself. Because all the major protests are for cis black men. Because I’ve been told that talking about the women who’ve died is taking away from the real issue. Because I get no break from fighting. Because everything is a struggle. Because my anger isn’t validated. Because they don’t care about my pain. Because they don’t believe in my pain. Because they forgive themselves without atoning. Because I’m not free. Because the awareness of it permeates everything. Because it’s not ending. Because they teach the children that it’s already ended. Because someone will assert their supremacy over me today. Because they’ll do it tomorrow.
Because I want more. Because I deserve better.

Writer’s Block:
1*DttjPp2Yn0tEHjeC_4ioUwDominique Matti is a blogger, freelance writer and editor based in Philadelphia, PA. She focuses primarily on social justice, parenting, and personal improvement. Her work has been featured in the The IndependentHuffington Post, Absurdistand Those People

Dominique Matti

5 Rules for Dealing With a Negative Nancy

Negative Nancy

Negative Nancy

Community is a lot like an organism, if one part gets infected, it can kill the whole being. So how do you prevent the germs and remedy infection once it’s begun?

Community builders who start from the ground up to through a honeymoon stage where the only people that participate in the community are people who believe in it. They are supportive, they share with their friends, they encourage.

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But once a community grows large enough, there are inevitably going to be people who are disillusioned, negative, and just plain nasty to you and your community. As the trusty leader of this community, what can you do when this happens?

Rule #1: Never pick a fight on social media.

Sure, you might’ve seen some of the (mostly fake) fights and arguments between brands that have gone viral, or the funny responses that people tweet when they have a problem with a company. What’s important to point out here is that it’s never the business that wins.

thCAMTDUGC

The sheer numbers of the internet means that there will always be someone who can make a wittier comment, a stronger comeback, a point of view that you never thought of. True, most comments and responses online are crap, but it only takes one person to undermine a lot of your community management efforts, so keep it above the boards and don’t take the bait, it’s often what the trolls want.

Rule #2: Separate the person from the group.

It is easier to deal with someone one-on-one, or better yet, offline, than within the community channels. Sometimes this extra attention gives the person a chance to vent, and they can make a clean break if they are really unhappy. If a tweet exchange is getting out of control, take it to email. If a post on your Facebook page is causing controversy, take it down. Just like sometimes limbs must be amputated to ward off infection and death, be willing to cut out the infected part and say good bye to it.

Rule #3: Don’t make up excuses.

Stand by what you are building, understand when people are being mean, and don’t apologize every time someone brings up something negative, especially if they are being confrontational.

thCAEABYH9

Use phrases like “it’s strange that you feel that way, almost everyone has been saying they really enjoyed it” or call them out for their behavior in a polite way like “that comment isn’t helpful for us to create a better experience for you.” Most of the time, if you can explain that their behavior doesn’t help anything, people will realize how counterproductive they are being, and more importantly, that they are wasting their own time.

Rule #4: Apologize only when necessary.

Sometimes things don’t work, or there is a misunderstanding that causes a bad experience. If possible, try to offer a solution. “Oh no! Can you try… that might make it better.” And, if there is no solution, don’t apologize, stand firm. If someone asks for a use case for your product or service that doesn’t exist yet, don’t say “no, sorry, our product doesn’t do that” tell people “no, our product doesn’t do that, but it’s a good idea that I will pass along to the team.”

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Especially for web-based products, there are many people who will complain about not being able to figure out the system, or who will make mistakes, get angry about them, and then blame the product. This is clearly not your fault, and you should make every effort to guide that user without apologizing. Being overly apologetic makes you look weak, and you should stand by what you’re managing!

Rule #5: Hack their accounts to shut them up.   thCABKFAQ0

Just kidding, this is a great way to destroy your community (unless you’re really good at it).

 

 

Writer’s Block
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Tony Hymes
Community Manager and Chief BBQ Officer at Paris-based music start up Whyd: helping music lovers to access the wealth of free music available on the web today and tomorrow. Bakes lasagna, writes plays, paints buffalo.

Muslim Drag Queens activist voices fears of backlash over film – via The Guardian

Asif QuaraishiPolice are on alert in case of a backlash after Channel 4 airs a documentary featuring the UK’s first gay Muslim drag queen.

Asif Quaraishi, an activist for the so-called “Gaysian” community who performs in clubs as the glamorous Asifa Lahore, has received death threats in the past and is concerned about the public reaction to Muslim Drag Queens when it airs on Monday night.

“I do worry post the broadcast,” said Quaraishi, who added that authorities and police have been notified about the broadcast next Monday. “There are certain things that have been put in place for my safety. The death threats featured [in the doc] were last year. As and when those things happen the police are always informed and they have been ridiculously supportive.”

The documentary, which follows the difficulties faced in the lives of three gay Asian drag queens and explores the largely clandestine gay Asian community in the UK, is narrated by Sir Ian McKellen. McKellen said that for him the film was an eye-opening insight into the scale of the prejudice against gay Asians that exists today which reminded him of the plight faced by the gay community 30 years ago.

“I’m ashamed how little I know about drag and trans and areas of being gay that I’ve not been part of,” he said. “It makes me begin to understand what it was like 20 or 30 years ago about simply being gay.”

Muslim Drag Queens: Zareena Khan, Asifa Lahore, Sir Ian McKellen and Ibrahim. Photograph: Channel 4/PA

Muslim Drag Queens: Zareena Khan, Asifa Lahore, Sir Ian McKellen and Ibrahim. Photograph: Channel 4/PA

McKellen called the documentary’s stars “pioneers” and offered his support in dispelling the prejudice they face from the Asian and Muslim community.  “You are pioneers but you are riding on a wagon that is going forward,” he said. “We are all with you. You are going to have to lead us and help us help you.”  Quarishi, who has become a leading activist in the Gaysian scene, expressed a desire to speak to David Cameron about the issues faced by his community.

In the film 28-year-old British Pakastani Imran, who has created a female alter ego Zareena Khan, talks of the difficulties of not being able to be public in the search for a partner.

“It’s like being Catwoman, in the night you are someone else,” he said. “[But] being Zareena is a cover-up. It is like a clown who smiles but he is crying on the inside.”

Quaraishi rejects the allegation made by many in his community that his sexual orientation goes against their beliefs.

“For me it is never been an issue in terms of how I practice what I interpret as Islam,” he said. “I fast, I pray, I believe in one god, I give to charity, I’ve been on pilgrimage. All I do know is I exist. I’m gay, I’m Muslim, I’m a drag queen, I’m British, I’m a Pakistani. People say that all these things shouldn’t fit right together but hey, here I am.”

Writer’s Block:

Mark SweneyMark Sweney is media business correspondent at the Guardian. He joined in March 2006. Previously he worked at Haymarket Publishing for six years, primarily as a news reporter, on Revolution, Campaign and Marketing weekly magazines. He is a New Zealander.
@marksweney

 

What is a “Lipstick Butch”? – By Jenny Chisnell (via Curvemag.com)

Lipstick butch

I came across a term the other day that finally felt right—“Lipstick Butch.” Shesaurus.com defines lipstick butch as: A lesbian or tomboy femme who is feminine in appearance yet, mannish in personality. Think Gina Gershon’s character in Bound, super hot right!

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At last, a “label” that doesn’t peel off no matter where I stick it.

A similar coinage is “Tomboy Femme,” though “femme” usually connotes a feminine woman who prefers the beauty of butch whereas “Lipstick” typically implies a feminine woman attracted to feminine women.

“Tomboy femme” is pretty darn cute though, slightly more self-explanatory, and I almost like it’s even better.  I want the t-shirt.

What does “feminine” and “masculine” even MEAN really??  It’s so abstract, and so founded on stereotypes.  Yet those very stereotypes strongly dictate how we behave and present ourselves interpersonally.  Despite this, there is an incredible amount of variety in the way individual Queer Womynself-identify and determine the criteria for a potential mate.

I love that about our community, and I feel this diversity is often understated in favor of go-to black-and-white categorization.  It’s just so much less effort to organize our understanding of the world that way.
I’ve been exploring what it means to me to be a “Lipstick Butch.”  I’m weighing my traits against gender stereotypes to better understand who I am inside.  I recommend this sort of personal exploration to anyone else who has ever felt alone or marginalized within a larger community.

To me, my “masculine” personality doesn’t mean I fix cars—but I do love the feel of a hammer in my hand.  It doesn’t mean I’m a football fanatic, though I am a bit of a baseball nerd.  It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed with video games—I never really got beyond Mario Bros. myself, though I’ve spent plenty of time chilling with guy pals while they drink Red Bull and button-mash.  It doesn’t mean I’m a dog-person; confirmed cat-lover here, and, yes, I have been known to squeal at overwhelming cuteness.  BABY BUNNIES, OKAY. Baby bunnies. Have you no heart?!  It doesn’t mean I’m naturally gifted at math.  I hopelessly mix up digits and it takes serious concentration for me to mentally multiply or subtract anything too complex.  It doesn’t mean I’m emotionally unavailable.  Most of the straight men I’ve known are much more “emotional” than women, when you really get to know them.  They’re just socially conditioned to stuff it down.

It means I despise chick lit and adore modernist literature, even though the authors are overwhelmingly men; male voices and perspective speak to me deeply, unlike Prada-wearing-devils or whatever.

It means when I buy a book on philosophy I don’t restrict myself to feminism, gender politics, or other social sciences; I am enraptured by the brains of men like Kant and Hegel—however male-biased they may have been by their historical context.

It means I hardly ever leave the house without a coat of red lipstick, but I typically decline to gunk up my face with layers of primer and foundation and concealer and blush.

It means I held out on handbag culture as long as I possibly could—until I scored my first vintage Louis at a fraction of their typical ungodly prices.  Yes, it is authentic, and no, I don’t need 20 of them.

It means I find the whole “Intuitive Earth Mother Spirit” stuff weak and a bunch of malarkey.  I accept my uterus—love it, even, though I’m not sure yet if I want babies in it or not—but I don’t imbue it with some primordial power.

It means I seriously have the pervy sense of humor of a 15 year old boy.  Peen jokes never fail to amuse me.  Really, like everyone, I’m a mix of male and female stereotypes.  I skew girly looks wise and boyish brain-wise, but I’m not black and white when it comes down to either.

Writer’s Block:
tsssh
I’m Jenny Chisnell, and I’m a proud “lipstick butch.” I’m a cisgendered “boi” at heart, and superficially attracted to long, silky hair and a nice pair of gams.  But I’m ultimately more deeply attracted to dimensional human beings with androgynous qualities.  It can be incredibly hard to identify kindred spirits at first sight; there’s no tell-tale bagginess to our pants as a social indicator of identification and preference.

But I know they’re out there.  Take off your mask, and show us who you really are, whether it’s short hair or skinny jeans that make you feel like you.